Repeat after me, “no matter what I have and haven’t done, I love me.”
It seems like such a simple statement but it is packed with so much power.
Can I share a personal story?
My growing up years with my dad were not awesome. We called it “being strict” growing up. I’ve learned to call it by its true name as an adult: abuse.
And I hated him for it.
Hated him so much that it made me a very dark person… a person I didn’t want to be… in my college years.
Until I decided that I needed to release all that anger — for me… for my healing.
So I flew to Chicago, confronted my dad with all he had done, yelled about how jacked up it’d all been, and then… told him I forgave him.
It wasn’t easy, but it was a choice I needed to make for me.
Because the truth was, I wanted a relationship with him in my adult life.
I wanted to mend and I wanted to know I had a dad who would stand by me from this point going forward.
Now, I know this isn’t the path for everyone and I’m not advocating for forcing people down any road I’ve taken.
It is ALWAYS up to the receiver of our mistakes to determine when and if they will forgive us. We can’t force them to forgive us or love us any faster than they are able… if at all. (That’s theirs, not ours to decide.)
So this isn’t a story about forgiving others.
It’s a story about forgiving ourselves.
Because my dad — the monster I had chosen to forgive and offer a way back into my life — he couldn’t forgive himself.
It’s been over 20 years since that night, balling in the front of his minivan as I extended the proverbial olive branch.
20 years of hoping he would take it.
And through the ups and downs of this relationship that has culminated in me releasing him from the role of father (because I just can’t wait any longer), I can see as I look back that it wasn’t anything but his own self-loathing and hatred that has kept him from me.
He isn’t alone.
I know many people who have done something that they feel so terribly about that they refuse to forgive themselves — even if others, who may have been hurt along the way, have.
Maybe, like my dad, they believe that if they punish themselves enough (or forever) that they might somehow make amends for the pain they have caused.
But that isn’t grace.
And it isn’t even justice.
Justice, according to Don Miguel Ruiz of The Four Agreements, is paying ONCE for something we have done.
So when we punish ourselves… when we don’t forgive ourselves… we aren’t choosing justice.
We are choosing one of the most insidious forms of selfishness that leads to the destruction of our most important relationships. Those with:
→ Higher Power,
→ Others who actually want us to rejoin them,
→ Hope, and
We lock ourselves in the prison of self-loathing and shame.
We have to fix this.
We need radical self-love to get back into a place of alignment.
We need both love and grace.
If we can’t have forgiveness for the mistakes we make and the ways we hurt people intentionally or not…
If we can’t come back into alignment with who we are today instead of who we were yesterday…
Our light and magic will be lost.
Along with our ability to impact the world.
When we get off on the wrong exit and realize we aren’t going in the right direction, we figure our way back onto the highway and get recalibrated.
We don’t just give up and say, “Whelp… I guess I’m stuck here for good now.”
Give yourself permission to get back on the road.
Choose radical self-love.
Start loving yourself no matter what you have or haven’t done.
It’s a choice.
Choose to love you.
If you need help, I got you.
I call it Soul Magick — the way back to radical self-love for your most authentic expression and greatest creation power.
We’ll map your soul, rewrite your rules, empower your gifts, and set you on the road to your ultimate freedom, fulfillment, and joy.
Entrance to Soul Magick is by interview only.
You know me.
You’ve been with me.
If I’m your unicorn and you can’t wait another moment to love ALL of who you are (not just the shiny bits), come join me.
Feel the fear, puke glitter, and email me with the subject “DEETS PLEASE”.
Let me show you a better way.
Loves & hugs,