I’m sitting in my therapist’s office, holding the neurofeedback teddy bear in my arms.
(Every therapist should have a teddy bear, I think.)
I’m trying to describe to her the feelings of rejection I’ve been experiencing, probably due to the flood of unexpected visitors in my home. So much trauma has been reopened in their need to process the past with me, as if I am immune to the pain.
Able to cope, yes. My years in therapy, personal development work, and spiritual healing has seen to that.
And so I sit here, describing the feeling of being a 6- or 7-year-old girl at a birthday party to which no one has shown up.
I know this memory isn’t real. My family couldn’t afford the luxury of a birthday party growing up, but that doesn’t stop my child part from FEELING like this is truth.
“It looks like a Mad Hatter tea party,” I tell my therapist. “I’m in the woods with a table and mismatched chairs. Everything is decorated. The places are set. The cake is ready to be eaten. But no one shows. I know I’m small because my feet can’t touch the forest floor while I sit in my chair.”
“Is your little willing to let your Higher Self love her?” the therapist asks.
I see my Higher Self step towards my little, who pulls away.
“She feels like it’s cheating. Of COURSE my Highest Self will love her. She has to. My Little is hurt because she feels like no one OUTSIDE of her loves her or will show up for her,” I reply.
“Who would she accept?”
Immediately my Dark Fae Prince (a powerful member of my spiritual entourage) steps forward and my little is THRILLED. Because she knows he doesn’t have to choose us. He’s there because he wants to be.
The same goes for my unicorns and dragons… for my selkie and the French Marquis.
And suddenly the table inside my mind is elongated and filled with every version of me (0-now) and every spiritual being who has ever chosen me.
It’s a beautiful, lively party and I cry, overwhelmed by the love and acceptance.
Other things happened there that I may share on another day.
I just wanted you to know that even when you think you are alone or feel unloved or come undone because the people in your life can’t seem to see you…
There are otherworldly beings choosing to surround you, choosing to love you, choosing to stay by your side, even when (especially when) life gets tough.
We are not alone.